I don't have the energy to, shit, don't dangle your hot needy self, shit,

what do I even say to this boy,

that after decades of planting seeds, and vice versa, that when you're 56 you'll have all the men you need?

or do I/we need each other, also,

OK, this is not fun LOL, why can't I pay maids to clean this room,

at least Ben fucked me this morning!

-----

making progress ... ... Ben said it was more stressful for me because it is K's partner coming to visit instead of K, and, yeah, Ben knows me,

taking care of yourself and taking care of other people and allowing other people to take care of themselves,

and,

allowing other people to take care of you,

But I understand
You gave up everything you had to find me
You found me broken
It's hard for you

what if you tried to take care of yourself as much as you try to take care of everybody/thing else

so who takes care of Bug?

This weird theme of my admissions to horribleness started last year after Tod let loose one evening with a scathing speech recounting all of my faults over the previous 15 years. That same evening, Brian was simultaneously breaking up with his "third" boyfriend. The next day Tod's mood started to improve, as he no longer felt he had to compete ( Read more... )

I've been thinking about it, writing a bit about it, I think the biggest psychological impact of the 5-week shutdown for me was experiencing more free time than I've experienced in decades, while developing more patienceSo tomorrow morning, when I don't have that much free time anymore, will impatience return? That sense of having to get to work ( Read more... )

But I'm ... still ... wrapping my heart around him ... did I say "heart"? OMG, I'm falling in love with him via his poetry, I would stalk him, I think ... he might have gone into hiding because people fell in love with him via his poetry, not kidding ( Read more... )

Somehow texting with K this evening reminded me of back when I lived in SW DC, on the waterfront, when I was not quite as kinky as I am now, but when I was moving into that relationship anarchy headspace, and pushing myself through the zen headspace ... and starting to experiment with butt toys and various ways of getting intoxicated. During the ( Read more... )